All I Am Is Holding Breath
by Loz.Loola
Summary: Trying to live a stable life isn't exactly easy when you have a hunter for a husband. Especially when he's Dean. Dean/Haley.
1. Chapter 1

**Author:** Lauren.

**Rating:** Rated M, just in case I continue and it gets saucy (:

**Character/Pairing:** Haley, Dean, Sam, Dean/Haley

**Summary:** Trying to live a stable life isn't exactly easy when you have a hunter for a husband. Especially when he's Dean.

**Disclaimer:** Haley belongs to Mark, Sam and Dean are all Eric's. Storylines are mine.

**Author's Note:** Yes, yes, this is my 'official' Dean/Haley thing. It's kind of a musing that popped into my head. Hope it doesn't suck. Maybe it's a one shot, maybe it isn't. You tell me.

* * *

She could still remember the first day, the first time, the first kiss. How had they got here? With her five-year-old son asleep beside her, believing his Father was a superhero. Believing he was invincible.

If only that were true.

But she'd seen the scars, the scratches, the marks of the Winchester trade. Traced with her fingertips until she knew them so well they could have been a part of her own heart. And she'd been there to rip him apart and put him back together, weaving a needle through his skin and soothing him with alcohol and softly spoken words.

Some days she almost believed that he could have been a dream, and then he'd burst in through the front door, all bluster and stories and she'd be in his arms and she knew it was real. That she couldn't have dreamt it because if she had, she would have made him stay.

Haley had known what she'd been marrying into when she'd said yes to Dean Winchester. As proposals go, his had been pretty awful. Completely unplanned, the words had just tumbled out as they lay twined together one night, her leg stretched across his, tangles of her honey blonde hair on the pillow and her nose pressed into his neck because that was how they always were. She'd thought he was messing with her, one of his stupid jokes that he and no one else (not even his brother) thought were funny.

But he'd been serious and she'd cried and there'd been no ring for weeks until they could finally agree on one. Seeing eye to eye had never been their strong suit.

Hunting was in his blood though and it hadn't been long before he was itching to be on the road again. And she had no one but him to blame for that, he'd dragged Sam from Stanford when John had gone missing. Dean always instigated, and Sam always followed. Sometimes Haley wondered if that was what had happened with them.

But she could hold her own in a fight and she'd told him from the beginning that if he was looking for a wife who'd cook his dinners and sleep in his bed and keep her mouth shut, then he'd chosen the wrong woman. He'd just smiled and said that it hadn't really been a choice for him.

And she'd hated the way he'd so easily charmed her and yes he did get into her pants that night (like he ever didn't.) Damn Dean Winchester and his slow smile and the way his fingers felt on her skin.

But there was plenty she hated about him, things that made her want to actually do the things she always threatened to do during their fights. Usually it involved pliers. Like the way he talked down to his brother, that never failed to make her want to slap him. Or when he'd lie about spending time in those road side bars she knew he frequented on hunts. She could smell the beer and the cigarette smoke and the whores on him a mile off.

And then, once again, he'd pull out a grin and say that she was the only woman he was hot for and then they'd be in bed so fast it made her head spin. She couldn't even believe she'd manage to hold out on him for so long in the beginning. And yet still, hearing the Impala's tyres grind against the gravel drive still set her heart racing and her hands shaking.

Maybe that's what it means to be alive.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author:** Lauren.

**Rating:** Rated M, just in case I continue and it gets saucy (:

**Character/Pairing:** Haley, Dean, Sam, Dean/Haley

**Summary:** Trying to live a stable life isn't exactly easy when you have a hunter for a husband. Especially when he's Dean.

**Disclaimer:** Haley belongs to Mark, Sam and Dean are all Eric's. Storylines are mine.

**Author's Note:** Thought I'd try out a Dean POV for once. Let me know how you feel about it.

* * *

The distance between them hurt like an open wound, but he'd survive. He always did. He'd muddle through until he was back there with them. It was the simple things he missed the most, the things that made him hate seeing other families, because he knew he could never have that. The movie nights and dinners with friends and parent teacher meetings. All of the things he never even thought he wanted.

Twisting the band of metal around and around his finger, he stared down at it. On the days when it felt like the misery would swallow him up, it was his lifeline to her. And to Jamie. God he missed that kid.

When he dreamed about another world where their situation was different, his life always revolved around his family. Sam and Haley and Jamie. That was how it was supposed to be. Meant to be, if it wasn't for their curse. And although she'd never admit it, he knew Haley sometimes regretted becoming involved with him in the first place. With them it had never been a conscious choice. Despite her telling him over and over that this was what she wanted, he still felt guilt seeping through him. Dean didn't, had never, done relationships. Ever. His own dysfunctional family was about as close as he got to one and seeing the way Jess's death had destroyed Sam… No, he'd sworn never to open himself up to that.

But she'd been so beautiful in the late Autumn sunshine, with her hair illuminated around her head as if she'd just stepped down from Heaven. And her lips. And the way her body seemed to fit perfectly against his, as if they were made for each other.

He didn't know what hurt worse, the leaving or the coming back. Because with every return he knew there'd be another departure. But from the moment he stepped back through the door, he could almost pretend it wasn't going to happen, that this was it, this was who he was. Husband and Father and Dean Winchester. Not hunter, not killer, not murderer. But then he'd read a paper and see a news report and know that they'd have to go. And it'd be goodbyes and promises and hands squeezed and let go of. And her face, watching from their bedroom window until he was gone from sight. And even then she'd stand there, just waiting, just making sure.

The worst times were when they spoke to families on the way. Interviewing them about something or other, whatever, it didn't matter. He'd feel black anger pulsing through him as he watched them take their lives for granted. As they dropped off their kids at school and made dinner and went bowling. God he hated them, for having everything he could only dream about.  
So he'd keep staring at the road and waiting for the sign to read Tree Hill and watching out for his front door. His home. Because when you're killing wendigos and exorcising demons, sometimes it's the simple things that keep you sane.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author:** Lauren.

**Rating:** Rated M.

**Character/Pairing:** Haley, Dean, Sam, Dean/Haley

**Summary:** Trying to live a stable life isn't exactly easy when you have a hunter for a husband. Especially when he's Dean.

**Disclaimer:** Haley belongs to Mark, Sam and Dean are all Eric's. Storylines are mine.

**Author's Note:** It's a little fluffy and I'm not sure how I feel about it, but here it is. Thought I'd have a little relief from all the angst. But yes, enjoy, read, review please and thank you.

* * *

Dean was home two days later.

Crawling along the bed towards him, auburn hair still damp from the shower, Haley lay back on her pillow, fingertips tracing a circle on the thin grey cotton of Dean's t-shirt. They hadn't really spoken much since he'd arrived. The afternoon had been a rush of basketball practice and dinner and keeping one eye on him just to make sure he was really here. And now, finally alone, they were silent.

"Honey?"

"Yeah?" Dean said, switching his attention from the television screen to her face.

"I just…" she trailed off. There were always so many things she wanted to say to him when he was on the road and now that he was in front of her, she couldn't. She couldn't tell him how scared she was for their future, or how much Jamie had missed or how she spent every single night before she went to bed staring out of their window, willing the bright lights of the Impala to appear around the corner. So she just settled for the truth. "I love you."

He smiled, his eyebrow quirked "Damn straight," his hand slid from around her shoulder to her waist. She rolled her eyes at the arrogance in his voice and smacked a hand against his chest.

"It's Brooke's birthday at the weekend and she's having a party," she lifted her head to rest on his muscular shoulder "We're invited."

"You want to go?"

"Well she is my best friend."

"And my brother's ex-girlfriend."

"Since when did that come into the equation?"

"Since always?"

Haley sighed deep in her throat and pushed her lips gently into the sensitive skin on his neck "I'll make it worth your while."

Dean groaned but knew he was powerless to resist. "You aren't playing fair."

"I never do," she slid her hand underneath his shirt, raking her fingers across his chest.

Scrunching up his face, he yielded "Okay, we'll go."

Smiling, mouth still against his neck, she nibbled his ear "So I can stop now then?"

"Don't you dare," he growled, inciting a musical laugh as he slid on top of her.


End file.
